Text Messages 2

Here are a couple more text messages from, you guess it, my arnis ninong, Edwin Gutierrez, and from my high school friend, Rogelyn Donor (registered nurse ka na ba, Roj?):

Bus
Juan: Konsyensya gyud kaayo ko mag-tanaw sa babae magtindog unya ako galingkod.
Pedro: Unya, unsa man imong himuon?
Juan: No choice. Mopiyong nalang ko.
(During high school, a teacher of mine, Sir Jumawan, said roughly the same thing. Serious-faced, he solemnly addressed our class that he doesn't want to see any cheating in the exams. After this, he promptly covered his eyes with his hands, as we all erupted in suprised laughter)
Rogelyn Donor

Filipino class
Guro: Juan, magbigay ng pangungusap na may tayutay.
Juan: Ahem. Ang tatay ay nadapa. Tayu tay! Tayu tay!
Edwin Gutierrez

Ang kangit-ngit nitiklop na. Kikik ug sigbin nagpanikad na! Tikbalang, zombie, og drakula, nag-una na. Ikaw, ngano nagbasa pa man ka?
Edwin Gutierrez, March 26, 2009

It's a story about a man browsing in a store who was shocked to see God selling.
Man: Lord, what are you selling?
God: Whatever your heart desires!
Man: I want peace of mind, happiness, and freedom from fear for me and the world.
God (smiling): I don't sell fruits here, only seeds.
Galatians 6:7 "A man reaps what he sows."
Lesson: "The seeds we sow today determine the kind of fruit we'll reap tomorrow. Hope you'll plant good seeds everyday of your life!"
Edwin Gutierrez, March 25, 2009

A mom called her son, "Pauwi ka na ba? Asan kana?"
Son: Andito po ako sa ospital.
His mom cried: "Anong nangyari sa iyo?!"
Son: Ma, nurse kaya ako, sabog ka ba?
Rogelyn Donor, March 25, 2009

You maybe sitting all alone, but believe in the magic that someone is meant to sit beside you soon...


...dayon kung puno na, maglakaw na ang jeep eh!
Edwin Gutierrez, March 24, 2009

Dear anak,

Salamt sa tanan nimong gipadala diri namu. Usa lang di namu gusto. Kadtong NIVEA MOISTURIZING MILK. Nagkalibanga jud tawon mi. Unta sa sunod, kape na lang.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 24, 2009

When a person tells you, "Hoy, kagwapa/kagwapo jud nimo bah!", it's good to answer with, "Thank you. Kaw pud unta."
Edwin Gutierrez, March 24, 2009

Sa ngitngit nga dalan...
Ungo: Awoooh!
Bata: Ayaw ngo! Ayaw ngo!
Ungo: Ok. Sorry.
Rogelyn Donor, March 23, 2009

Ang tawag sa gumagawa ng tubo, tubero; kumukuha ng basura, basurero; ang mahilig sa gimik, gimikero; mahilig sa babae, babaero.
Eh, ano ang tawag sa lagi nasa kanto?



Tambay, tol. Tambay. Huwag kang mag-imbento. Hehe
Edwin Gutierrez, March 23, 2009

A policeman saw a litte boy crying.
He approached him and asked: What's the matter boy?
Boy: Huhuhu! Matter is anything that occupies space and has mass..huhuhuh.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 23, 2009

Tulo ka buang nagguot sa usa ka katre:
Buang 1: Guota oi. Naugi beh..
Buang 2: Sige, munaog ko. (Ninaog ang usa ka buang.)
Buang 3: O luag na! Balik na diri!
Mary Anne Andicoy, March 14, 2009

Example sa mga dili sakto na tubag sa sakto na pangutana:
1.) Nagkaon naka? - Busog pa man ko.
2.) Naa imo nanay dira? - Ngano man diay?
3.) Unsa oras imong klase? - Unya pa.
4.) Asa man mu gikan? - Ganina ra mi kaabot oi.
5.) Gi-unsa na pagbuhat? - Dali ra man ni.
6.) Ngano wala ka gahapon? - Nag-absent ko.
7.) Unsa nay oras? - Sayo pa man.
...ug ang paborito sa tanan:
8.) Asa naka dapit? - Padulong nako.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 7, 2009

Fred: Pare, what's your biggest fantasy?
Marvin: To be kissed by someone in the rain, pare. How about you?
Fred: To be...that someone, pare.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 7, 2009

Jr: Bag-o lagi'g pintal inyong atop?
Manny: Advice man gud ni Fr. Mike.
Jr: Unsay iyang sulti?
Manny: Ingon siya, "Sa miaging adlaw" sa pamadlis: REPENT YOUR SIN!
Edwin Gutierrez, March 7, 2009

Sabi nila: "Love is blind."
Sagot ko naman: "Ok."
Edwin Gutierrez, March 2, 2009

(Eksena sa jeep. Estudyante galugit-lugit sa ilong. Pakialamero nga tigulang.)
Lolo: Unsa imo ginakuha day?
Student: Nursing, Lo.
Lolo: Ah...abi nako kugmu.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 2, 2009

"Ang pinakamahirap sa paglayo sa taong hindi ka kayang mahalin...ay ang bonggang-bonggang katotohanang hindi ka niya hahabulin."
Edwin Gutierrez, February 28, 2009

Ang lahat ng itoy

ay anak ng iro.
Edwin Gutierrez, February 28, 2009

Sabi nila nasa akin na daw lahat!
Sabi ko naman, "Yehey!"
Edwin Gutierrez, February 27, 2009

(Sa isang waiting shed)
Lalaki: Miss, wag kang kikilos ng masama.
Miss: B..Ba..Bakit ho?!
Lalaki: Bad yun.
Edwin Gutierrez, February 27, 2009

Why waste the precious petal of the flower when you know from the start that SHE LOVES YOU


NOT. Asa pa kasi.
Edwin Gutierrez, February 24, 2009

"Mukha lang akong mabait"
In English, "I'm just good-looking."
Edwin Gutierrez, February 17, 2009