Stereogram

Do you know what a stereogram is?

How about an anagram?

An ambigram perhaps?

Let me tell you what they are: they are loads of fun.

I miss my childhood (nostalgic mood once again).

Text Messages 31

GF: Luv, nagkaon kog calamay karon tas nakadom-dom dayun ko nimo.
BF: (kilig) Why man? Tungod kay sweet ko?
GF: Di oi! Mura man gud kag nawong ug bagol.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 21, 2011

Always stretch your heart and expand your love. So that it touches not only those whom you give it to, but also those who need it so much.
Mary Ann Andicoy, March 27, 2011

A nun rides a taxi.
Taxi Driver: Sister, it's always my dream to kiss a nun. Can you grant my wish?
Nun: Okay. But, first, you should be Catholic and, second, you have to be single.
Taxi Driver: I'm Catholic and I'm single.
So the nun fulfills the driver's wish and kisses him.
Taxi Driver: Thank you sister but I must confess. I lied to you. I'm married and I'm a Muslim.
Nun: That's okay. I'm on my way to a costume party and my real name is Dodong. Good kisser ka ha!
Edwin Gutierrez, March 30, 2011

Here's a fact: Did you konw taht hmuan brian can raed wrods wtih lteters rmubeld? As lnog as teh frist & lsat lteters of teh wrods aer at tehir porepr palecs...bceuase teh barin olny itnreperts teh wrdos and not teh seplilng of a ceratin wrod. fnatsatic ins't it?
Mary Ann Andicoy, April 5, 2011

Every king was once a crying baby and every great building was once a drawing. It's not about where you are today but it's where you will be tomorrow. Be inspired!
Ate Cathy, April 7, 2011

Sa Match class
Teacher: Kung naa koy usa ka piraso nga karne ug tungaon nako, pila na ka piraso?
Buknoy: Duwa Ma'am!
Teacher: Ug tungaon pa nako pareho?
Buknoy: Upat na Ma'am!
Teacher: Tungaon pa jud nako?
Buknoy: Walo na Ma'am!
Teacher: Tungaon pa jud nako?
Buknoy: Sixteen na Ma'am!
Teacher: Tungaon pa jud nako!
Buknoy: Thirty two na Ma'am!
Teacher: Kung tungaon pa jud?
Buknoy: Sixty four! (suko na)
Teacher: Ug tungaon pa jud nako ug kaduha?
Buknoy: Ipagaling na lang na Ma'am ke malangan nata!
Edwin Gutierrez, April 17, 2011

Boy: Miss, pwede mag-ask? Unsa nay time?
Girl: Mag-ask ka unsa nay time? Tas mag-ask dayun ka sa akong name? Tas mangayo dayun kag number? Tas manguyab dayun ka? Tas pakipot sugton ra dayun taka? Tas manghagad kag date? Tas dad-on dayun ko nimo sa bisan asa? Tas naay mahitabo nato? Tas mabuntis dayun ko? Tas biyaan ra ko nimo? Di ko mo-ingon ui!
Boy: Whoooaahh! Grabe ka-advance ba anang reloha...
Edwin Gutierrez, May 1, 2011

Graduation Speech:
A fleasance evening to all, to me, to you, they and everyone. Tonight, I am graduation, and I'm froud of me. I invitation you all to eat our house because I know, someday, I will eat your house too. I will die ten chickens, 7 girls, and 3 boys, to eat you all and I will ask my father to cook my mother. I'm suring you will come because I'm graduation. Thanks you.
Edwin Gutierrez, May 5, 2011

True happiness is not about a big laugh or tears of joy. It's about a simple smile whenever you remember people who made your life simple but completely happy.
Ate Cathy, May 5, 2011

What if love is for sale? Can we afford to buy it? How much do you think is the price of love? How about those who cannot afford it? Maybe, that's why God made it for free so everybody can spend or give it freely.
Mary Ann Andicoy, May 10, 2011

Metrosexuality

Metrosexual: A straight man who embraces the homosexual lifestyle, i.e. refined tastes in clothing, excessive use of designer hygiene products, etc.   -Urban Dictionary   Okay. I get pedicures because my toenails are ugly. I get manicures because my job requires me to involuntarily expose my fingernails to other people. I sometimes shave my legs when I go out in shorts because hairy legs are unsightly. I shave my underarms when I go to the beach. I use an array of skin and facial products. I wash my hands after going to the comfort room. I maybe fastidiously hygienic but being clean never hurt anyone.   For some people, this behavior would brand me as a homosexual and a narcissist. But I beg to differ. I'm not attracted to guys so that makes me straight. Plus, the last time I checked, taking care of my appearance isn't a mark of an egotistic mind.   I insist that I am instead a metrosexual but I don't fit the term just yet. If I were to base my criteria on the definition above, I'm only a 'semi-metrosexual': I don't have any fashion sense and I can vaguely understand gay lingo.   So why am I saying this? Well, this is just my feeble attempt at clarifying my behavior to other people, who would insinuate that these characteristics have something to do with my sexuality or lack thereof.

Half Rice

Who would have thought that Jollibee was selling half rice? I mean, who would have thought?

Thanks to Sam for the wonderful insight. We were having dinner in Jollibee Agdao and he simply walked to the counter and ordered a half rice. Just like that. And the crew readily accepted the order.

Again, who would have thought?

The Need To Be Filthy Rich

If you want to help a person, you must first have a big heart. If you want to help a lot of people, you must have a big wallet.

It's sad but the fact is philanthropy is not exempt from economics. An act of charity might be costless but instituting an entire system to eradicate or, at the very least, minimize poverty requires funds, lots of it. 

In the past months, I've written several posts about ideas on philanthropy. These ideas have a common denominator: they require massive amounts of resources for them to jump to reality, resources which currently I don't have. 

Which is a bummer. And which is why, if the world sees it fit, I should be a billionaire by virtue of my need to have some dough so I can make society better. 

If only things were that simple (long sigh).

Text Messages 30

Juan: Unsay tawag sa mag-uyab nga gwapo ug gwapa?
Pedro: Tadhana!
Juan: Kung gwapo ang lalake ug pangit ang babae?
Pedro: True Love!
Juan: Kung pangit ang lalake ug gwapa ang babae?
Pedro: Diskarte!
Juan: Unya, kung pangit ang duwa?
Pedro: Mao nay gitawag ug, "Kapwa ko, mahal ko."
Edwin Gutierrez, March 7, 2011

Mama: Juan, palit ug asin.
Juan: Dili ko. Ngitngit na. Hadlok ko.
Mama: Yaw kabalaka. Kauban nimo imong anghel.
Juan: Siya na lang sugua! Kami pa jud duha, para asin ra!
Edwin Gutierrez, March 7, 2011

The Four blessed looks:
Look back and thank God.
Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look from within and find God.
Ate Cathy, March 11, 2011

Boy: Sana problema na lang ako para lagi mo akong iniisip.
Girl: Oo nga eh. Para lahat gagawin ko, mawala ka lang.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 11, 2011

Lolo: Apo, tago kay naa imong mga teacher paingon sa balay. Nag-absent raba ka!
Apo: Tago pud, Lo, kay makit-an ka nila. Ako ra bang pananghid kay namatay na ka.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 12, 2011

Panatang Kaibigan
Iniibig ko ang aking kaibigan,
ang tumanggap sa aking kalokohan,
taga-punas ng aking luha.
Ako'y kanilang tinutulungan, na maging malakas, masaya,
at mas maligaya kahit wala akong pakinabang.
Bilang ganti ay ibibigay ko ang aking tiwala, ililibre ko sila kapag
ako'y mayaman na. Susunduin ko sila pag ako'y may kotse na.
Tutuparin ko ang mga pangako ko, huwag lang ang pagbabayad ng utang nila.
Sisipain ko ang sino mang umaway sa kanila: sa pisngi, sa hita, at sa mukha.
Edwin Gutierrez, March 12, 2011

Sa akong mga paghinulsol:
Sa tanan nga nag-care nako: salamat
Sa mga nailad nako: Sorry, di na mausab
Sa mga nagpakilig sa ako: Hit me baby one more time
Sa mga ga-isyu sa ako: Sige lang para sikat
Sa mga nagpahilak nako: You owe me a talent fee
Sa mga tao nga nag-share ug experience sa life ug nagpautang: Unta mao lang japon ha
Sa mga nasuya sa ako: Tse! Mo-pink na lang inyo mata, you can never be me
Ug sa gabasa ani: Amping kanunay
Edwin Gutierrez, March 16, 2011

Guy: Ano ginagawa mo rito sa tulay?
Chick: I'm going to kill myself.
Guy: Ganon? Pwede pa-kiss bago ka mamatay?
(deep, torrid kiss)
Guy: Wow! Sarap nun ah. Bakit ka ba magpapakamatay?
Chick: Kasi ayaw ng parents ko na nagdadamit-babae ako...
Edwin Gutierrez, March 16, 2011

There are two people who can tell the truth about you: a friend who has lost his temper and an enemy who has started liking you.
Mary Ann Andicoy, March 20, 2011

Tatay: Kung dili gani ka kapasar sa exam, ayaw nako tawagi ug tatay!
Anak: Oo, tay.
(human sa exam)
Tatay: Anak, kamusta ang exam?
Anak: Ok ra bay!
Edwin Gutierrez, March 20, 2011

Pacquiao

I'm not a fan of Pacquiao. I don't really know what is wrong with me. But every time he fights, I root for the other boxer. Maybe, I just like siding with the underdog, whoever that person is. Or maybe, I simply find it difficult to respect, let alone support, someone who cheats on his wife.

Perhaps, one might regard my aversion to the 'Pacquiao-mania' as an anti-patriotic sentiment. For most people, Pacquiao is the closest thing we have to a hero these days, especially with a lot of political figures acting like villains in the national stage. However, I'm not one prone to hero worship especially when the hero in question is simply a world-class boxer who struck it big.

'Let's be real people', I imagine myself saying, at the horde of supporters  who cling to Pacquiao's glory after another win in the boxing ring. Still, I have to be considerate though. Some people yearn for light in the midst of darkness, for a glimmer of hope in a country full of despair. And guess what? Pacquiao fills that need perfectly.

Picking Up The Prostitutes

In Davao City, the Central Bank building is notorious. At night, under the shadows of the huge trees lining its perimeter sit prostitutes ages fourteen years old and above. They wait for their customers to arrive. If a car stops, a woman stands up, fixes her skirt, walks to the driver, and sells herself.

Obviously, it isn't an ideal way to earn a living. But these girls have families to feed at home and their socio-economic backgrounds limit their options for employment. What they do have though are young bodies and acne-free faces and prostitution becomes a reality to be embraced.

Among male bankers, it's a running joke that when someone mentions dropping by Central Bank, he obviously means picking up a girl. The question is: what can be done?

In countless studies, prostitution is almost always a result of poverty. Rarely do girls resort to prostitution because they are nymphomaniacs deep inside. Since poverty is the root cause, then it's poverty that we must eliminate (which is 'easier said than done', you might have thought out loud).

For me, I will always abide by the logic that if there should be an effective tool in eradicating poverty, then education should be that magic bullet. What if these girls had access to education, will they continue with this lifestyle of self-exploitation? Perhaps, one mode of action to eliminate prostitution is the granting of easier access for at-risk girls to become scholars or at least to provide them with the necessary livelihood skills to help them wean away from this source of income.

Granted, there are some issues to be confronted with this kind of intervention. Foremost is the given fact that helping prostitutes is not exactly PR stuff. Reaching out to donors and sponsors is easier when the beneficiaries are, say, kids (like what UNICEF is doing), war-torn communities, calamity victims, or poor families. Simply put, these beneficiaries tug at the hearts and minds of people. Prostitutes obviously do not.

There is also the cultural taboo relating to prostitutes in general. Virtually no one wants to have anything to do with these women (or men). In addition, prostitutes are not seen as victims of the system but rather are enterprising individuals (excuse me for the euphemism) by many.

Nevertheless, they need help. And if we are to make this society better, one step would be to eliminate prostitution, one girl at a time. The question now is: how?

Osama Bin Laden

Sharing some stuff from the book Zingers, Quips, and One-liners edited by Geoff Tiballs:

What we know about Osama Bin Laden is this: he's worth $300 million, he has five wives, and twenty six kids - and he hates Americans for their 'excessive' lifestyle.

David Letterman

It was reported today that Osama Bin Laden has fifty brothers and sisters, which absolutely shocked me because I had no idea he was Catholic.

Conan O'Brien

With Osama dead, is the world a safer place? Probably not. But at least the rest of the world can move on, finally. Osama Bin Laden is now part of history.

Hayop Ka, Mikey Bustos!

I'm really a fan of this man's work. That's why it's probably a good idea not to say anything and just let this guy make you laugh out loud. Enough said.

Check out Mikey Bustos' videos in Youtube and don't forget to subscribe to his channel.

Trust me, you won't regret it.

Clearing Period

A client showed me the other side of the 3-day clearing period and why this can be treated as a benefit rather than as an inconvenience to some.

For those not really familiar with the whole process, a deposited check is "cleared" only after 3 banking days, usually. If you were the supplier and a client gave you a check and you deposited it today, you'll expect the proceeds of that check to be credited to your account only after 3 banking days. For you, it's a nuisance since you'd have to wait to be paid. 

And that's exactly what you want, if you were the client of the supplier. First, you get a 3-day window to make sure you've funded that check. Another, and this is the more crucial part, you can still get back at the supplier if ever he comes up short. That's because you haven't actually paid him yet although he's deposited your check.

Say, for instance, the materials you ordered were substandard or not at par with what you expect. You can still complain about this and can allow the check to bounce if you're not happy (and if you're willing to shoulder the penalties associated with this). That's a pretty powerful benefit.