I don't know what's happening in Davao. Last week, my brother said he's an atheist. Now, my father just texted that they are giving him the boot. They're evicting him from the Haunted House of Third Avenue because he's been throwing tantrums about household chores for far too long.
Jeesh.
See, these are things which stress me out: things which make me feel so helpless because I'm here in Manila and I cannot get involved, things which I'm informed of through text and I am left to imagine (whether I downplay them or exaggerate) what really happened.
It's not that I don't want to be informed about what's happening down south. It's just that I'm not there and I cannot do anything because I'm here. And as much as I want to yell at my siblings, "Stop making our parents' lives miserable", I can't because I don't know the whole picture of things. The distance makes me oblivious to the nuances of the situation.
And to think my mom's birthday is tomorrow. Jeesh, again.
Cheryl was one of my high school classmates. If you were to ask me, I would say she is the epitome of the traditional Filipina stereotype. Yung tipong mahinhin and stuff like that. She also had this tuft of hair, her "bangs", which would always fall every now and then, covering her eyes. If I had been irresistibly attracted to her or just a plain tsansingero, I would be one of those who would touch that tuft and crease it back.
I loved hanging out with Cheryl, JV Colina, Shiela Libaton and the rest of the Simple Girls. The reason was because I could relate to what they were talking about. Either it was academics (Honor's class kasi), school, the latest peer anecdotes or just plain gossip. There was no talk of the latest fashion trends, their crushes (either they really didn't share this stuff or because I was there so they refrain from talking about it), or backbiting comments. They were all just simple people. And so was Cheryl.
I think Cheryl became a BS Nursing student. I haven't heard from her since. That's because I didn't take care of our friendship when I already felt it slipping.
But I hope she's well and okay. Next time, Che, kita ta.
Hello there. Thanks for taking the time to see this post. No, I'm not going to condemn you or insist that you change your mind or anything. "Tigwang na ka" - You're old - and you're entitled to your opinions.
What I'm going to do is just share you something because, by having said that you're an atheist, you remind me of what I was then and the thoughts that I harbored and the journey that I had to go through. Perhaps, your statement is a blessing because it has challenged me to write down and crystallize everything that I believe about God.
But before I start, I just want to ask that you own your statement. It is so easy to say "I believe in God" but it is a wholly different matter to say one doesn't. To say that I'm an atheist is itself a product of deep reflection and hence must not be uttered in jest or mere fun. I expect that you take your statement seriously because this is a serious matter to begin with.
Second, I do apologize for the language. I'll try to be colloquial but my background as a Philosophy minor betrays me. When one is used to utilizing almost every word in the dictionary in a brazen (but ultimately futile) attempt to impress his Philo teacher with his imeldific essays, such practices become annoying habits that he cannot simply kick out. So I'll try to keep it simple but if some text are difficult, you can always post a comment. Let's begin:
I was a Youth for Christ (YFC) before. You know that. But I wasn't happy because I could not see God in the mass. During praise and worship, I didn't see the point because it seemed like He wasn't there. I read the news and with all the evil that happens every day, clearly, God couldn't be in the world. God was absent because, if He were present, why do all these nasty things keep on happening? So I was into the classic "Suffering negates God" dilemma.
I never shared this to mama and papa because I know they'd be upset. But the effects of the doubt were there. I backslid from YFC because all the people were so confident about their faith that they never questioned it (which is quite alarming, if you ask me). I grew skeptical of Catholicism and I secretly questioned everything related to God. Yes. I was self-assured but I was also lost and I felt empty.
Then, I happened to read a book by Don Pukett, entitled "The End of God" (not that sure of the title and author though. That was two years ago already). Looking back, it was a wonderful coincidence. I was in the college library sifting through some books on atheism (that's how interested I was. You should try it sometime too) and I picked it up. I probably thought it was an atheist book because of the title.
You could read it for yourself if you want. Basically, it tackles the idea of God and the implications on language etc. But the most interesting part is in the last chapter. There, the author stripped away the religion of Christianity and addressed what is its core essence.
And the answer? Well, it's a no-brainer actually: God is love and the doctrine of Christianity revolves around this phenomenon. If you have Islam, which preaches submission to God, and Judaism, which espouses obedience to the Law, you also have Christianity, which touches a deeper, more profound chord in our humanity.
Now, I invite you to strip away everything you know about religion. Forget about the commandments, the sacraments, the rituals in church. These are clutter, which are better left understood if and when you grasp the basic message of Christianity.
When I finished that book, I changed my perception of God. He isn't simply a Being, because that would be limiting him to an abstract reality somewhere out there. No, God is also a behavior, a mode of thinking. He is Love: a human element which is made concrete over and over again in our dealings with people and the world. Once I realized that, I became a believer once more.
I don't know if you could comprehend what I just said. But let's take it this way. As said, God is love, literally speaking. Then, I ask you: do you believe in love?
Ray, I ask you this: do you believe in love? Do you believe that it exists in this world? Do you believe that it is real and not just, like what some people think, a glamorized instinct bent on possessing people and self-gratification?
I don't know what your answers are to these questions (I still cannot read minds). But this is my case: if you believe that it is love which makes one go to his friend's side to console him in the middle of the night, which makes a mother wait for her son to come home maski kadlawun na ni-uli, which makes a father stay in his stressful, neurotic job so he could support his family, which makes a clan hold its annual reunion despite the many grudges it has to deal with internally, which makes one do household chores with gusto so his mother won't have to, which makes a guy stick to his girlfriend who isn't getting any thinner, which makes parents freak out over their son's academic performance, which makes a family go to mass together, pray together, eat together, stick together...
If you believe in love and its power to make all these miracles happen, then I daresay you still believe in God. Because God is love.
Ray, these are just my reflections (I still have to check my views with a priest to see if they're theologically correct). Also, these aren't original ideas but are derivations from some readings you might encounter soon. I don't expect you to adopt them. All I ask is that you consider what I just said and follow the advice I will give: keep an open mind. It is okay to say you don't believe in God. But don't ever say that this statement of yours is final and binding. Instead, take your statement as an invitation for deeper reflection. Take it as a start of a journey because for me, it was. And if at the end of your journey, you still cannot find Him then so be it. I rest my case. What matters more is that you tried.
There you go. I think that's it. If you were to ask me why, after this reflection, I still cling onto the last vestiges of our religion, such as going to mass, observing the traditions etc., I would rather write another looooong post for that in the future. As of the moment, I think what I shared to you would suffice.
Paolo
PS: As a final note, I would like to say that there are a lot of extraordinary miracles hidden in our midst. As Papa said, one of these miracles is our family. This miracle wouldn't be possible if we didn't have Love, if we didn't have God. Peace out.
I met Sheena when we were in high school. She was a schoolmate of mine and we were introduced simply because my father and her mother were acquaintances. I already forgot the background story on why but we knew each other, albeit not that well.
If I would describe her in just one word, "bubbly" would immediately come into mind. Yep, she was bubbly, and friendly too. And though she was always along the periphery of my world, and I in hers, she always had a ready smile for me. She is a good person.
The only thing I can brag about regarding her is that I once shared a jeepney ride with her in college. I was heading off to ADDU while she was heading off to San Pedro (Guess what? She's a BS-Nursing Student! What are the odds...). We talked about the usual nonsense; like what school, what course, what are your plans for the future, how's your mom and dad etc. As usual, I remember I felt rather uncomfortable then because I wasn't especially close to this person. But we chatted nonetheless and I realized what a shame it was that I don't know her better.
Still, I wish her all the best, wherever she is. Her birthday is tomorrow, January 13. I pray that she be in God's grace always, that she be blessed, that she be strengthened in all the challenges that she may face. Last, I hope that when I meet her again, the same old smile will greet me back.
Happy birthday Ms. Sheena Credo! Though we both know we weren't exactly "friends", I just want you to know that you were special still.
Dominique "Kuya Dom" Cimafranca, my former classmate/idol just sent me an email regarding this anthology. Spread the word please! Thank you:
Secondary fantasy worlds are well-written fantasy stories that take place in a self-contained and self-consistent fantasy world created by the writer. These can be epic fantasy, high fantasy, or even dark (horror) fantasy.
“The FarthestShore: Fantasy from the Philippines, edited by Joseph Nacino & Dean Francis Alfar” will be published electronically to make this collection of stories available to a wider international audience. Through this anthology we will be able to show the world that the Filipino writer can create worlds with the best of them.
Combining these two ideas—the short story and secondary fantasy worlds—is well-within the Filipino author’s ability. As a guideline though, we are not looking for treatise or travel guide books of the secondary fantasy world. In the end, a good story and the humanity of the characters in them must take precedence over the well-formed setting.
In keeping with the concept of fantasy secondary worlds, stories based on Filipino mythology are acceptable.
Submission Guidelines:
1. Only works of secondary worlds in the mold of epic or traditional fantasy will be considered for publication. As works of the imagination, the theme is open and free.
2. Stories must cater to an adult sensibility. However, if you have a Young Adult story that is particularly well-written, send it in.
3. Stories must be written in English.
4. Stories must be authored by Filipinos or those of Philippine ancestry.
5. We will accept only original unpublished stories.
6. First time authors are welcome to submit. Good stories trump literary credentials anytime.
7. No multiple submissions. Each author may submit only one story for consideration.
8. Each story's word count must be no more than 7,500 words.
9. All submissions must be in Rich Text Format (.rtf – save the document as .rft on your word processor) and attached to an email to this address: estranghero@gmail.com. Submissions received in any other format will be deleted unread.
10. The subject of your email must read: F2W Submission: (title) (word count); where (title) is replaced by the title of your short story, without the parentheses, and (word count) is the word count of your story, without the parentheses. For example – F2W Submission: The Sword of Ivatan 4500.
11. All submissions must be accompanied by a cover letter that includes your name, brief bio, contact information, previous publications (if any).
12. Deadline for submissions is April 15, 2009. After that date, final choices will be made and letters of acceptance or regret sent out via email.
13.This anthology will be made available online via PDF file. Target publishing date is May 2009.
14. Compensation is Php500 for every accepted story.
Kindly help spread the word. Feel free to cut and paste or link to this on your blogs or e-groups – and send your story in.
Pardon me for the corny title but it is already January 9, 2009.
One of my New Year's Resolution is to actively join writing contests. Yeah, my motivation is primarily money. It would be great if I, in my lifetime, could win just once in a writing contest. But the real reason is that I need to sharpen my writing skills. Being a corporate animal could really blunt one's potential to be the next bestselling author. And other than that, I can already feel my hand itching to get hold of a pen and just write.
The only problem really is time and opportunity. I feel that I won't have enough time in the next few weeks to indulge in this passion. Also, it seems as if there is no opportunity, by way of writing contests both here and there, coming my way. Oh well. The only thing I can do now is just surf the net ever so often for that ever-elusive contest.
By the way, the Palanca contest is coming up and there's nothing on Earth that's going to stop me from submitting an entry. Good night.
Hi. I'm Paolo Bataller and my place of birth is in Nabunturan, Compostela Valley. That probably explains why on December 31, 2008, I was one of your parishioners in your New Year's Eve mass.
First of all, allow me to erase some probable misconceptions you might have regarding this letter. I don't know you personally but I bet you are a good man and I do not intend to disparage your homily then (because the truth is, I have already forgotten what you said that night) or criticize your "job performance". No, I just want to point out one thing that went wrong with the mass and I hope that you side with me regarding my opinion.
As a background, my family and I have been celebrating our New Year's Eve masses in your newly-adopted parish for as long as I can remember. And for as long as I can remember, these masses had one obnoxious flaw: always, somewhere in the mass, the priest would recite a long, long, long litany of the names of New Year's Eve church sponsors, preferably at a point in the mass where the laity is standing (One exception occured, I think, a couple of years back, when the parish priest did away with this "tradition" and simply thanked the people in general for their generosity to the church). This litany would last for roughly 3/4 of an hour since the priest had to recite all the names of the 200+ sponsors.
As expected, you have not deviated from the tradition or from your predecessors. You also "acknowledged", for a solid half-hour, all the sponsors of the parish, at a point in the mass when all of us were standing.
Pity that there were a lot of women-parishioners who were wearing high heels or were carrying their babies. Pity that there were children in the group. Pity that all of us were forced to stand up as you recited ever so solemnly the names of those who contributed something to the church.
This is the flaw that I'm talking about and you should have known this. You made the mass look like a recognition program instead of The Sacred Eucharist. What made matters worse is that the names you were reciting were also flashed on the projection screen! Hell, you could just have instructed that the names be flashed so you could do away with the reciting part.
If I were you, I could have done away with the reciting part too. Instead of what you did, I would probably say to the laity these words which I will attribute in part to my mother (she mentioned the Bible passage to me then. Just translate the entire text to Bisaya):
Good evening. First of all, I would like to thank everyone for helping the parish, our parish. I have here a list of those who, in many ways, have contributed to the church.
I am supposed to announce to everyone this list but as Our Lord said, in Matthews 6:2-4:
"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
Hence, I will refrain from announcing our sponsors but will instead pray that the Lord God shower them with more blessings.
I think this would be a better way to do it. That way, you minimize the chance that some people exploit this portion of the mass for their self-aggrandizement and politicking.
But what really pissed me off (which led us to walk out of the mass even before you gave your final blessing) was when you gave out your Certificates of Appreciation to the politicians of the land! I don't know where that idea came from but you certainly made it look like an Awarding Ceremony or a political rally for that matter. At that moment, I could not stomach what was going on any further and I had to leave.
As I end this letter, I would like to reassure you that all is not lost. As priests, you have been tasked to guard the sanctity of the Eucharist. Although, I think you had good intentions to begin with on why you allowed these "flaws" in your mass, I still have to say that you, as the priest, should know where to draw the line.
Oh, the big question that will haunt me till tonight: Why am I back in Manila anyway?
I just had a slightly tearful farewell in Davao this afternoon and it was great that the whole family was there to see me off. Yes, I now firmly believe that I'll be a happier boy if I just worked in Davao city than here in Manila. There, I have my family with me and no matter how much stress I have to deal with in work, that would still be ok as long as I come home to my parents and siblings.
The truth is I really wanted to stay in Davao. I wanted to stay so bad that I was seriously contemplating of going AWOL and never coming back to Manila again. But of course, my superego ruled and I'm in another dingy Internet cafe in Taguig city, typing away the minutes.
Sometimes, there are times when you have to make the reasons clear even to yourself about some decisions you make. That's my melodrama for this post so here goes:
The Question: Why am I here in Manila, again?
The Answer: Because I work here and I intend to continue working for the current company I'm working for. Simply put.
Now the hard part follows: Really, why? Personally, I think I am on a professional pursuit for redemption. I want to redeem myself from my work-related mistakes, shortcomings during 2008 and the only way to do that is to stick with the company for 2009 and hopefully leave a good mark (My boss had problems with this attitude because it would be more, shall we say, positive if I was in "Gettysburg address" mode - ask not what your company can do for you but what you can do for the company. Simply put, he wished I would adopt the mindset of thinking about how I can contribute to the company's success instead of just working for my own redemption and the department's. But frankly, I'm more motivated to work with the latter reason so that's my "official justification").
Anyway, one other reason is I haven't explored Manila yet and there are still so many places, so many things I want to do here! Last year, I was so bogged down and so serious about my job, I did not realize how limited my time was in this new place. So I'm making it a point that before I leave Manila, I would have visited almost all of its spots. Also, I want to finally become a Singles for Christ member here and also resume my arnis training here (The reasons I'll probably explain in another post). I want to make some semblance of progress on "self-redefinition" before I return home.
So that's it. Whew, glad to get that off my chest.
