Call it what you want: resignation lethargy, quarter-life crisis, or plain old sloth. The fact remains that I feel like I'm in limbo. I've got no energy to go to work but at the same time, I'm feeling the itch of not doing anything worthwhile these days.
I want to start over again, do something more meaningful. But before I can do that, I have to go through the motions of going to the office every day like a zombie, without accomplishing anything at all.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to rush my inevitable return. There are still too many things in Manila that I'm not ready to let go of. For instance, I've got my colleagues in work, many of whom have become close friends in the past few months. I've got my so-called independence and my favorite places in Manila which I haven't visited yet (paradoxical huh?).
The truth is, deep inside me, I wish I could stay here longer, not only for the people I'll be leaving behind but also for the sights and the scenery I have yet to see. But I also know that I won't start "living" again if I don't return home soon (Plus, I'll be living off my emergency funds for the next two weeks. Going home is my only option for survival).
So here I am: a spent force, lifeless, removed of all passion and any inner striving for excellence.
But here I am as well: giddy, excited, hands itching, mind's thumping, heart beating. All for the many opportunities and possibilities around the corner.
Despite the uneasiness this period is giving me, I feel happy that I'm at last heading somewhere better. My only remaining wish for now is that this episode ends as it should.
Simply put, I can't wait for my new beginning.
I want to start over again, do something more meaningful. But before I can do that, I have to go through the motions of going to the office every day like a zombie, without accomplishing anything at all.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to rush my inevitable return. There are still too many things in Manila that I'm not ready to let go of. For instance, I've got my colleagues in work, many of whom have become close friends in the past few months. I've got my so-called independence and my favorite places in Manila which I haven't visited yet (paradoxical huh?).
The truth is, deep inside me, I wish I could stay here longer, not only for the people I'll be leaving behind but also for the sights and the scenery I have yet to see. But I also know that I won't start "living" again if I don't return home soon (Plus, I'll be living off my emergency funds for the next two weeks. Going home is my only option for survival).
So here I am: a spent force, lifeless, removed of all passion and any inner striving for excellence.
But here I am as well: giddy, excited, hands itching, mind's thumping, heart beating. All for the many opportunities and possibilities around the corner.
Despite the uneasiness this period is giving me, I feel happy that I'm at last heading somewhere better. My only remaining wish for now is that this episode ends as it should.
Simply put, I can't wait for my new beginning.
1 comment:
Go where your heart wants you to go Paopi. Anyway, you may still visit Manila from time to time for those must-see places you don't find in Davao. But I'm sure you agree, the charm of one's hometown is beyond compare. - Ron J
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