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To Kit

09 December 2008

Hello Kit,

First of all, thank you for the friendship. Back in college, we weren't that close. I barely knew you except that you were gay and that you were our Division Representative. By coincidence, we happened to ride a bus together last year. You were bound for Mawab while I was bound for Nabunturan that night (I think I wrote this encounter in my journal somewhere). Anyway, that was it and though we talked about stuff and family and life in general, our relationship was still of mere acquaintance and not friendship per se.

All this changed when I found out that you would also be working in BayanTrade. I could remember the moment when I saw your name printed on the same Cebu Pacific Manila-bound airplane e-ticket. I was laughing out loud because, at least, I could travel to uncharted Manila with a familiar stranger beside me.

It has been well over seven months already since we arrived here. A lot has changed between us and being room mates has been one factor behind this. And though I could never compare myself to your other friends who, since they are gay and they know you better, are dearer to your heart, I can still say that I cherish the one-sided monologues (you were the one who spoke more, you know) we had every now and then.

Now, at this point, I know that you know that you have to go. Like I told you, I've eavesdropped on your conversation with Clinton last night. You're right: what has happened to both of you is unfair, totally unfair. I want to elaborate on this but it would just end up complicating what is already a complicated matter.I regret to say that I already knew from the start what would happen if both of you broke up and it pains me to see that that possibility is now unraveling before my very eyes.

As your roommate, I don't want you to go. First, our room costs P4,500 and without you to share the cost, Clinton and I will be burdened. Second, I am selfish and I want you here with us because you have to be here. We are a batch; we joined BayanTrade together and that batch will not be complete without you. We want you to still play a part of our memories here in Manila.

But as a friend, I want you to go. I want you to go because you are not the same Kit who used to hold his head up high while defiantly standing his ground against school authorities and student humbugs.Because of your messy break-up and this situation where you live in the same roof with your ex, you have grown pathetic and all the more helpless.

You want to move on. You want closure. And we both know the only way for that to happen is for either one of you to move out. Unfortunately, you have already made your decision. Clinton probably doesn't understand this because, well, he's Clinton. Pansit probably urged you to stay because he wasn't there. For the rest, they may think this move is so over-the-board because they simply don't know.

As for me? Like I said, I can't make you stay. Because you need this. Because you have to be away for awhile to find yourself again. And for the sake of this, you have my utmost support.

Good night Kit and please take care of yourself.

Your ex-roommate,

Paolo Ray E. Bataller


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