The Marriage Prayer

My father used to say that the best way to love your children is to love their mother.

That's sound advice. But what's also the best way to love your wife?

The song "The Marriage Prayer" by John Waller provides an answer to that:

The message rings true of what the Church teaches: that the foundation of a good and joyful marriage is a strong and deep relationship with God.

Even before the word "Third Party" became notorious, the Church has taught that a marriage must resemble the Holy Trinity. Whereas, the Trinity consists of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, so too must marriages consist of the husband, the wife, and God.

All too often, this perspective of marriage is overshadowed by the world's misconceptions. For most of us, drawn by the romantic notions of pop culture and media, we merely conclude that the key to a lasting marriage is simple: we only have to love each other with whatever we've got for the rest of our lives.

But such a naive formula negates one aspect of all marriages: humans aren't perfect. We make mistakes. We take our spouses for granted. We get angry and say hurtful words. We fail time and again to love. Over time, such lapses accumulate, leading to indifference, separation, or annulment.

It is after due consideration of our limitations to love that we find the presence of God necessary. He is no longer a cumbersome artifice on the side but the living, breathing soul of every Christian marriage. He becomes a counterbalance to our imperfections, a standard to follow and adhere, and a constant amidst the whirlwind of emotions.

It is when things go rough, when your spouse becomes "unlovable", that the need to love God becomes more eminent. A man who loves God strives to become perfect as his Father (Matthew 5:48). This he does even if perfection means looking past the Godzilla that is his wife and loving her as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25). Similarly, a woman who loves God strives to abide by His Word even if such obedience means loving the biggest jerk on the planet.

For Christians, loving is an act of the will and this implies the ability to still love in spite of the feelings or emotions of the moment. It is only when we understand how much God loves us, despite our shortcomings, that we can love like Him. Then, it is only when we can love like Him that we can love our spouses for a lifetime.

Growing Old Together

No introduction needed.

For couples getting married, you should watch this. 

Being The Nice Guy

"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." -  Thumper

This line is from the movie Bambi and practicing it takes a lot of wisdom and discipline. 

For me, learning this lesson involved a lot of burned bridges, regret, and pain. Even though I already covered this quote in a post some time ago, there were still instances when I forgot this quote in the heat of the moment and I paid for it dearly.

Still, I can honestly say there has been progress since then. I don't text angry messages any more, choosing to talk to the person directly before choosing to rage out. I now automatically think about the context why someone did this or that. I withhold reacting until I see the complete picture.

Of course, there are still struggles. I am still judgmental (though the thoughts are now contained in my head). I still harbor unpleasant thoughts and/or feelings like anger, envy, resentments, ridicule, things which I consider as "harassments". Occasionally, something slips but it is always followed by a profuse apology.

Being a nice guy is hard work. But as Thomas Edison would say: "There is no substitute for hard work."

Yearend Review: Relationship with God

I end looking back at 2014 by finally examining my most important relationship.

Earlier this year, I wanted to know God more. To do that, I resolved to really strengthen my prayer time and scripture reading. 

I would like to say I was successful but there were a lot of days when I wasn't consistent. There were times when I rushed in reading the scriptures, when I forgot to pray the Examen, when I missed going to mass on a Sunday. In short, there were way too many times that I failed in my goals.

Still, even the half-hearted attempts drew me closer to Him. It's surprising that every time we strive to know Him, we end up knowing ourselves even more; awareness of God begets awareness of self. In my case, striving to pray consistently has brought some newly found changes in me. I think and I feel that I've become more patient, more loving, perhaps more understanding. 

Again, the challenge for next year is consistency. How do I strengthen these habits? What are the ways that I can be more in tune with God? How do I recover faster from setbacks and sins?

To cap this post, someone shared to me (I don't remember who) his perspective of the Beatific vision:

The Beatific vision, as a background, is defined in the Catholic Encyclopedia as "the immediate knowledge of God which the angelic spirits and the souls of the just enjoy in Heaven. It is called "vision" to distinguish it from the mediate knowledge of God which the human mind may attain in the present life. And since in beholding God face to face the created intelligence finds perfect happiness, the vision is termed "beatific".

For us Christians, the Beatific vision is what we aspire to see. And so, in this life, we strive to become more and more like God. Eventually, we die and when we meet Him face and face, whose face is it we're going to see but ours, this time, made in His splendor and glory? 

That's one more thing to ponder upon. 

Lord, I pray that I'll be your face to the world. Amen. 

Yearend Review: Family

Good news: We have a new member in the family. She's Sophia, my niece.

Bad news: Surprise family debt.

It's just money, some would say. But it also points to a new reality that we have to live with. Our reality now involves the fact that my parents' retirement plans have been compromised, our family's name (yep, our reputation) is no longer as it was, and the family's finances will be bleaker than usual. Still, it's just money.

Admittedly, I've been busy avoiding the brunt of the bad news by being busy in other places, notably in Lingkod. 

Still, when I had my dinner with Bro Mon, Lingkod's national director, he had this to say about family. I shared to him about my desire to leave again the family home (for the third time). He suggested instead that my current situation, staying with my parents, is an opportunity to bring my family closer.

For awhile now, I've observed that all of us have grown old and have grown apart. They say that this trend is inevitable but I beg to differ.

I resolve that, next year, I'll help knit the family back together. As to how, that's something I have to ponder for the meantime.

Yearend Review: Friends

I didn't attend our high school batch reunion last night. I had two excuses: I attended a funeral service and I have to report for work today.

To be honest, I was never interested in the first place and I think that sums up my attitude on people. Thanks to another year of maturity, I finally convinced myself that it's okay to let go of some and hold on to the few that matter. And yesterday, I decided I can get away with not meeting strangers who simply happened to be my high school batch mates.

For the rest of those who are or were a big part of my life, I resolve next year to work harder at maintaining our relationship, however tenuous it may have become. But I can only go so far; if I pull and no one grabs the rope, then that means it's time to let go once more.

Yearend Review: Service

It's been a long time since I've served or volunteered. I made sure that this year, I went back to service.

I give credit to Bro Rommel, a fellow brother in the community, for pushing me to service. Since I didn't know where to start, he gave me the idea to serve the community first, Ang Lingkod Ng Panginoon (ALNP).

So I began my renewed call to service by doing the little errands. First, Bro Jeff and I scouted the venue during the anniversary. Then, during events, I did the little things like cleaning up, doing the arrangements, and so on. During the Christian Life Series (CLS), I was tasked to be an assistant Discussion Group Lead (DGL). Inevitably, with this assignment, I was assigned as the assistant Action Group Lead (AGL). Then, I gave talks during the Lingkod Weekend and the Life in the Spirit Seminar (LSS). Eventually, the year culminated with me being tasked to join the Online Evangelization team of the ALNP-Davao branch. Throughout the year, I also had a privilege to join feeding programs organized by the brothers.

Looking back, when I said yes, God also qualified that yes by giving me a lot of opportunities to serve Him. To be honest, there were times when I felt overwhelmed. But He, time and again, never failed to give me the necessary provisions that I needed to do my work.

To close, during one of our meetings in our Action Group (AG), one brother remarked that most of our service was confined only to the community. In that case, what about the people who need us outside the community?

Back then (and probably even now), I was tempted to ask him if he is serving.  But it was a valid observation nonetheless. My take is that each of us is obviously called to service. Yet, despite the call, we also have to start with the places we are familiar with.

In my case, the ideal starting point was the community and how we can help each other become better Christians. Later on, my level of service and commitment may evolve to such an extent that I have to venture outside to serve. But the fact still remains that, at least, I started serving. At least, this year, I decided to say yes.

A Different View On Courtship

I want to share something I picked up in my community. Way back, I attended a talk by McDo Millana, our branch head in Lingkod, which was about Christian sexuality. McDo gave a basic outline of the matters relating to how brothers were expected to conduct themselves and behave towards the opposite sex. 

One area that was discussed in depth was courtship. It was explained that brothers are encouraged to adopt a different view of it. Jessie, a fellow brother, would later explain that this view is merely recommendatory, not mandatory, but it is something which each brother should at least consider and aspire given how much success it has spawned for couples in the community, many of whom are leading stable and happy marriages.

How different? Well, first, the motive to court someone has to be grounded in the anticipation of marriage. This is in stark contrast to the motives behind most courtships. In the latter case, the guy is courting a girl without thinking about marriage. He simply wants to court a girl because he loves her and wants to be her companion. Most often, courtship is merely a prelude to consensual sex or an avenue for both to experiment and discover their preferences in a partner. 

The second differentiating factor is in the readiness of the man. The community encourages men to court only when he is certain that he is emotionally ready and financially stable. This is a pretty big hurdle, especially on the financial aspect. But it does limit the pool of suitors to only those who are ready to go through the process. Boys with unresolved emotional issues or are downright broke have no place engaging in this business.

The third differentiating factor is in the timing of the process. Courtships, from initial dates up to the marriage proposal itself, should last anywhere from two to three years. Anything beyond that and you have to wonder if the couple is really suited for marriage. This turns on its head the more popular notion that couples have indefinite timelines and are entitled to postpone marriage until both are ready.

What is the end result? Personally, by putting a premium on the value of courtship, this different view aims to ensure that a marriage starts well way before the couple actually says their vows in church. In the words of Sir Chris, a colleague and a member of the Light of Jesus, these 'restrictions' minimize the hurt that people can inflict on each other in such an intimate relationship. Likewise, in the words of McDo, arrangements like these reduce the waste in time, money, and emotions typically spent in a prolonged courtship between two unprepared individuals, resources which are better served spent elsewhere in either service or self-discovery.

Of course, such a view is unpopular. Tessa, another colleague, pointed out the inherent disadvantages of adopting this perspective: What if the girl is courted by someone else because you aren't ready? What if both of you simply love each other? 

Again, this view is only a recommendation. Still, Jessie has only two words to support this view: it works.

Planning

'Tis the season to plan for the next year.

This year's Christmas season features a lot of non-working holidays. It's a good time to just relax, reflect, and think about the coming year.

For the next day or so, I'll be doing just that. But before I plan, I'll review first whatever has transpired for 2014. 

I hope you don't mind if my year-end review consists of putting up several blog posts about several key areas of my life. 

I suggest you do the same and review your year with gratitude and thanksgiving. That way, our plans for 2015 will be born of the same spirit.

Online Evangelization

Several months ago, Rechie, a fellow brother in Ang Lingkod Ng Panginoon, told me I was going to be part of the branch's online evangelization effort.

At first, I wasn't keen on the assignment. I wasn't the typical freak who was online all the time. All I had then (and even now) was a Facebook and Blogger account. I wasn't interested in Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, or all those other social media tools.

But the idea grew on me and I was especially infected by the enthusiasm of not only Rechie but also the rest of the guys who would form the team: Chamee, Mel, Olive, and Jepoy.

Honestly, I still have to get the gist of the team's mission vis-a-vis the other ministries of the branch. But I already know what I hope will happen. During one of our initial meetings, I mentioned that I wanted something to go viral for the Lord. As to what that is, I don't know yet but, rest assured, given His Providence, we will figure that out.

My concern as of the moment is how we could build the necessary foundation in the community for such a creative spark to occur.

There's a saying that goes: "Ritualize the mundane to make way for the brilliant". In line with this idea, the first step, I think, is to make everyone comfortable about online evangelization. This could mean different things to different people. This might mean finding ways to exhort and sustain those who are already evangelizing online. This can also mean increasing the comfort level of those who have yet to post a single tweet or update online about God, Christianity, or the Church.

It's my hope that, after this is done, the community will be ready for bigger things and more ambitious ideas.

Clearly, I'm excited about what's going to happen next year.

To God be the glory.

The Ideal Woman

A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.

The quote is from Maya Angelou, an American writer noted for redefining the autobiography genre.

I got the quote while I was browsing Facebook and came across one of the wedding pictures of Bro Franco and Sis Mae. It was a simple photo of the newlyweds with the quote strategically overlaid via Photoshop on the groom's suit.

The quote got me thinking about how the brothers in my community, Ang Lingkod Ng Panginoon (Lingkod), perceive women and what their criteria of the ideal girlfriend should be.

For me, the criterion was simple: someone just has to be smart for me to be infatuated at her. I've shared this to a lot of people that if a girl is smart, everything else follows. My thinking was that, considering their rarity, intellectually engaging women are and should be more attractive (Unfortunately, most guys don't share my sentiment). 

But Rommel, a fellow brother in the community, shared to me another thing that guys should be looking for instead. During our prior conversations, he talked about the 'essential' stuff that should be in every single guy's wish list when he's out looking for someone to court. It's non-negotiable. It's something that's more important than brains or beauty. And it goes something like this: the woman has to have a relationship with God.

It's simple really but it's something that's very hard to fake. I've had only glimpses of it observing everyone during the prayer meetings or even during our fellowships.

But it was during the Regional Lingkod Training Conference (RLTC) that I saw how transformative the quality was and how evident it is. For close to a week, I was surrounded with women whose aura were pleasantly different. Their genuine smiles spoke of the joy and happiness they felt inside. Their confident demeanor reflected the peace and serenity that pervaded their inner selves. The way they spoke, honored, and encouraged one another showed how much love they had to give. These were women of God and they were beautiful.

Angel, another Lingkod brother, shared to me the need to be with such a woman. A woman who has a strong relationship with God inevitably pushes her man to "level up": to be more Godly and holy. The man wants to become a better man for her and, because of the standard set by the woman, he does become one. He becomes more loving, more generous, more life-giving.

To end, the quote mentioned earlier sums it up: a godly woman chooses to love her man because she loved Him first. And a man, seeking to win her love, must be ready and willing to seek and find God.

Human Personhood and Abortion (Part 2)

In a previous post, I shared an article by Peter Kreeft, a Philosophy professor, who debunked the position held by pro-choice advocates by demonstrating that their arguments are not logically sound.

In another article, Nina Martin writes about Justice Tom Parker and how he's subverting the precedent established by the Roe vs. Wade case, which legalized abortion in the U.S. How he is doing it is based on a simple assumption: that, in order to illegalize abortion, the fetus must be considered a person in the eyes of the law.

In the Philippines, abortion is already illegal. The 1987 constitution protects both the life of the mother and the unborn from conception. The Revised Penal Code of the Philippines (RPC) provides criminal penalties against women who undergo abortion and those who assist in such procedures.

In our country, most people recognize that unborn fetuses are indeed persons, as contemplated by law, and are to be accorded rights, including the right to life.

In the U.S., this assumption is still taking root several decades after the Roe vs. Wade case. What judge Tom Parker is doing is laying out the foundation, the jurisprudence necessary to overturn the current precedent. He is doing so by establishing in his opinions that fetuses already enjoy fetal rights, rights which show that existing statutes recognize fetuses as persons. From there, it can already be argued that fetuses also have a right to life or have the right to seek legal protection against abortion. 

As to whether Justice Tom Parker is successful in pushing this position if and when the right case comes along, we'll have to wait and see.

Here's the article: This Alabama Judge Has Figured Out How to Dismantle Roe v. Wade

The Questions To Ask

This is a good article. 

It features questions you could ask during a date to "foster romance" or during a tight gathering of friends to promote deeper intimacy. It's also a good way to check for new perspectives on life:

36 questions to bring you closer together

Enjoy.

First Talk

Note to self: Just delivered my first talk.

Two weeks ago, Bro Jepoy tasked me to be the speaker for one of the talks during the Lingkod Weekend. It was about honor and respect and how both applied themselves in our community, Ang Lingkod Ng Panginoon. Was I excited? Well, I dreaded it at first. But was I challenged? Of course, yes.

I was fortunate that the preparation time was considerably long because, during the first few days, I had a hard time grappling with the topic. Added to that difficulty was a personal insecurity: I could speak in straight English, yes, but engaging the audience in banter and keeping the talk light and fun were seemingly insurmountable challenges. For your information, I always thought of myself as the serious guy, capable of lulling everyone to sleep.

But having said yes, there was nothing to do except practice and prepare. I started off with what the sequence of ideas should be, then I went about creating my presentation, and then reading and re-reading and re-reading again the talk outline. Added to that was the daily routine of prayer and scripture reading with a daily dose of "Lord, please help; don't let me screw this up".

I was also fortunate that I had a full day to really think about the talk through and a scheduled dry run with some of the council members. Making use of a holiday, I tried to wrap up my preparations. And, during the evening of that same day, I gave my mock talk to the council. As expected, what I gave that night was not  polished and those present - Sis Adz, Bro Rommel and Jesse - saw that. They gave very valuable inputs and I went home thinking about how to put all their insights into my talk.

On Saturday, I was just mumbling to myself the whole day, trying to get sentences right and looking for the "flow" of my talk. On Sunday morning, I was on the first stages of stage fright (it doesn't go away, does it?) and I was simply praying, "Not I but You."

Thankfully, during the actual talk proper, I somehow just managed to pull it off. There were no gaffes or prolonged gaps and the brothers and sisters - bless them - were very supportive and active.

After the talk, I was unprepared for the commendations given to me. Some commended my diction, eloquence, presence, what have you. Some thought I was a teacher by profession (I was flattered to be honest). All the while, I kept thinking to myself, "Lord, ako ba jud to? Lisod man katuohan."

To end, the exercise of giving a talk gave me a chance to see what I was capable. I'm glad I said yes the first time. But I'm also glad that talk's over and done. Now, I cannot wait for the rest to also have their time under the spotlight. 

To God be the glory.

Lord's Day

Last Saturday, I celebrated the Lord's Day with my fellow community members in Ang Lingkod ng Panginoon. It was my second time to be part of such a celebration for this year. 

It also brought back a lot of childhood memories. My parents, as members of Couples for Christ, also celebrated the Lord's Day when my siblings and I were still young. We attended Lord's Day dinners with other families and we also had intimate Saturday and Sunday celebrations at home.

I was mesmerized by the ritual that went with the occasion. I looked forward to eating the lechon manok, a rare specialty back then, and the soup: instant concoctions back when ready-mix soup packets were still a new fad. I also relished drinking the red wine, my first encounter with alcohol, and learned an early lesson on moderation (because if you drank the whole thing, there won't be any left for the rest of the family). 

Gradually though, the Lord's Day faded from our weekly lives. We, as a family, grew old and grew busy. 

So it was a pleasant surprise that my new community actually observes the Lord's Day every now and then. It's a welcome throwback for me to relive this part of my childhood and to observe it, this time, with a more mature mind. 

That Saturday night, celebrating the Lord's Day was a paradox: it was an occasion that was both new and old.

Happy Parent's Day

A birthday is a weird thing: it's meant to be special but, at the same time, can be very generic.

Cliches abound. The birthday cake. The birthday gifts. The dinner with family or friends. The pampering that goes with the day like a massage session, a trip out of town, or a stay-at-home leave free from work and stress. The many greetings that are superficial and the few which are heartwarmingly sincere.

All these are modes to celebrate. But it begs the question: what are we celebrating exactly? Are we celebrating the fact of having lived another year, an accomplishment that only 98% of the world's population can say they've achieved or will achieve in 2014? Are we celebrating the presumed growth and maturity that comes with aging? Are we celebrating it to remind people that we are God's gift to the world?

First, let's think about the most popular birthday: Christmas. Rightfully, we celebrate it because it marks the arrival of Jesus Christ. It marks that historic moment when God dismembered Himself, became powerless and vulnerable, and transformed into a crying baby. 

But this is not the only reason we celebrate Christmas. That's because, in the days leading to December 25, we also commemorate and celebrate the story behind Christmas. The readings point to the family history of the Savior, the shepherds in the field, the wise men (this reading is after December 25 though, if I'm not mistaken), and even the barn animals who are witnesses to a medical miracle: the first and perhaps only human baby who is a product of parthenogenesis and a virgin who gave birth without a midwife or a doctor in sight (and in a completely unsanitary setting if you don't know that yet). 

More importantly, we remember Mary who, with a meek yes, became the Mother of God. We remember also Joseph who got wind of God's plan only in a dream and, even so, still chose to believe it.

In short, when we celebrate Christmas, we actually celebrate both the birth and the story. 

This is important because when we apply this insight to our own birthdays, we become aware that our celebrations are incomplete: we don't usually remember the story behind our births let alone celebrate it.

But when we begin to give a second thought to the story, something opens up. In my case, I begin imagining a young woman who was probably cursing at the universe while she was pushing me out of her womb (This boggles me: after millions of years of evolution, why is childbirth still painful?). I also imagine a man almost my age right now, thinking to himself, "How am I supposed to raise two kids with my (choose adjective) salary?!" Finally, I imagine a young couple who got stupid, fell in love, and created me.

The story matters and it's important that we celebrate and remember it for two reasons.

First, because by doing so, we break down the edifice of narcissism and self-worship characteristic of this hyper-commercialized event. 

And second, when we do so, we start realizing that our birthdays are not really about us. Birthdays are ultimately about our parents: about the mother who gave birth and the father who held her hand afterwards.

In sum, a birthday is never just a celebration of life; it's a celebration of the people who made that life possible in the first place.

So to the two persons responsible for my birth: Happy Parent's Day.

Missing Dog

What a way to start the week.

I just lost Wiggles, one of our dogs, during my Sunday jog this morning. Papa was visibly upset when I told him the news and I spent over an hour tracing my route looking for her.

The dog wasn't on a leash because she would usually just follow me wherever I jog. 

It seems, this time around, that wasn't the case. 

Here's to hoping she's coming back. 

Team Luy-A

L-R: Rodel "Yotz" Malagum, Ramy Baltores, Anthony "Tonyo" Salva, Paolo Ray Bataller, Mary Grace "Grasya" Uayan, Henry Awab

This is Team Luy-A. 

The group also includes Sam Porras (the one who took the picture) and Rommel who we haven't seen for quite awhile. Grace is also an honorary member standing as the muse.

Sir Ramy had asked me sometime ago to write a post about the group. Well, here it is.

Frisbee

Frisbee. This is what compelled me to wake up early after just four hours of sleep on a Saturday morning.

I was stricken by curiosity when Jiron and Pope mentioned about this weekend activity by the Lingkod ng Panginoon during Friday's prayer meeting. So I woke up at 4:30 the following morning, rode the jeep to St. Francis Church in Ma-a, and jogged the rest of the way to Crocodile Park.

I probably arrived at 6:30 AM in the field where we will play (which was simply an unimproved yet grassy residential block). Pope gave me my first lesson on Frisbee and focused the discussion on throwing backhand. Then, after an hour or so, other members from the community began trickling in and what followed was a group mini-drill on throwing and catching the Frisbee.

Eventually, after a brief (okay. not-so-brief) orientation by Pope on the mechanics, the game followed. And boy:

IT WAS FUN.

It was actually quite funny because, since most of us were novices, nobody ever thought of cooking up a strategy. The best that came up was immortalized by the phrase "man-to-man" where each was responsible for guarding a single opponent a la basketball. But, for the rest of the time, it was simply us running ourselves haggard across the field (to be fair, some semblance of strategy did occur at some point in the game but this was rare).

I had to stop though because I was wheezing. Some pointed out that my face was really red from the exertion but I'd like to think that it was the sun. Had it not been so sunny, I could have played all day long. But that's just me fantasizing.

Till next Saturday. Peace.

Paradigm Shift

I hope that, a few years from now, I can look back at this moment, smile, and say we made it.

Right now, everything is tinted just a bit too dark.